


because of her, i'm missing you

by alittlebee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Not A Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:10:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebee/pseuds/alittlebee
Summary: The clan had been so welcoming. Everyone, sure, some more than others, but everyone had taken him in as their fledgling. They loved and doted on him. And he threw it all away.Because of Clary, he had to know what it felt like to lose an entire family.And because of Clary, Simon knew what it felt like to miss Raphael.





	because of her, i'm missing you

**Author's Note:**

> My first Shadowhunters fic. Just a little short something. Hope you like it :)

Simon sat on the edge of his canoe. The past few days had been hard on him. With Clary having no time for him, being a Shadowhunter and all, and with nowhere but a shed to call home, Simon was feeling hopeless. Sure, Luke did his best to make Simon feel welcome with his pack of werewolves, but he just didn’t belong.

Simon sighed, a pang in his heart, longing for his clan. Everyone had been so accepting of him, taking him in and treating him as one of their own. He’d even grown close to a few. Lily was the one who was there when he was bored and just needed something to do. She taught him how to play chess, one of the things Clary had always promised to teach him. She showed him how to drink an entire glass of blood in under ten seconds. Most of all, she was there when he felt lonely. She comforted him when he missed his family. She’d sing songs to him when he missed the sun. But she wasn’t the only one.

Stan was always great company too. He’d show annoyance when Simon asked to hang out with him, but gave him fond smiles anyways. Together, they’d see how many boxes of comics they could sneak into the hotel without Raphael noticing. They’d build silly blanket forts, quickly cleaning them up when someone rounded the corner. They had fun talking about their old lives, and laughed about ridiculous TV shows they used to watch. They made up fun games that only required a handful of marbles or a stack of paper.

The clan had been so welcoming. Everyone, sure, some more than others, but everyone had taken him in as their fledgling. They loved and doted on him. And he threw it all away. He betrayed them, releasing Camille, the most dangerous vampire in all of New York. His murderer. Simon didn’t know why he did it. He willingly let her out of her imprisonment and unleashed her to roam freely. Not to mention the blood he gave her to ensure that she wouldn’t be punished for his turning. He’d put his entire clan in danger as well as himself, not thinking twice about the damage that would inevitably be done, only about his best friend’s needs. Simon had no idea why he let Camille go.

No, that wasn’t right. Simon  _ did _ know why he released his dangerous, manipulative sire. It was for  _ her _ . For Clary. For the Clary that spent most of her time at the Institute, where Simon was forbidden to go. For the Clary that no longer looked at him the same way, no longer as the person she most relied on, but as a thing that needed pity. For the Clary that neglected him and forgot that he needed blood to survive. For Clary. For  _ Clary _ .

Because of Clary, he had to know what it felt like to lose an entire family. He had to know what it felt like to lose his clan. Simon missed them all terribly. But more than anything, he missed the grumpy and annoyed looks he got from his clan leader. Raphael didn’t always show his affection in the same way as the others. He didn’t watch TV shows with Simon, or play random board games. He didn’t talk to him about senseless topics or stay up all day to draw silly comics. But he did make sure Simon fed every day. He made sure that no one was put in harm’s way because of Simon. He showed Simon the basics of being undead. He brought Simon a glass of blood and an extra blanket whenever he had nightmares. He did this and much more. He, the vampire turned at such a young age, took care of his entire clan. He made sure everyone was well cared for and happy. And because of Clary, Simon knew what it felt like to miss all that. To miss Raphael.

A bloody tear made it’s way down Simon’s cheek. He furiously wiped it away with the back of his hand, only for more tears to stain his face. Blood soaked down onto the sweater he was wearing. The expensive looking sweater. Raphael’s sweater. His heart dropped heavy in his chest. Nothing was going to be the same again. He’d thrown away everything he had ever needed, everything he had cherished. He’d ruined his immortal life all for the fiery redhead that left him in the dust. For the Clary he’d thought he’d loved more than anyone, more than anything. He’d lost it all. 


End file.
